Live life to the fullest.
I did this cinnamon detox before I went to Cabo last year, and I think the dehydration really sharpened my thinking, because I was having these totally deep moments all the time. At one point I was straight up hallucinating in the Aldo outlet store, and Oprah appeared to me. She was standing there — skinny Oprah, not fat Oprah — right next to these super cute leather slingback pumps, and she looked at me and said, “Live Life To The Fullest.” Whoa, you guys. It’s like, you only get one chance at this life thing. Don’t blow it by only living each day to the half fullest or even the three-quarters fullest. Live each day to the absolute fullest. Overfill it, if you can. I know there are only so many minutes in a day, but if you live a couple minutes REALLY WELL they can sometimes almost feel like longer minutes.

Always kiss me goodnight.
This one goes out to my ex-boyfriend, Brian, who will seriously DIE when he sees this after I share it/tag it/like it on his Facebook wall later, but whatevs. I don’t need to get into the specifics, because my therapist has basically forbidden me from talking to strangers about my breakups, but here’s a little romance lesson for all you guys out there: your girlfriend does not want to be dry humped until you fall asleep every night. She wants to be kissed goodnight. Tenderly. Like she’s a sweet little baby, and you’re tucking her in. Oh, and as long as I have your attention, Brian: did you see the selfies I posted last week? I’m losing a lot of weight. If that was a problem for you. Seriously, there’s like no space between my thighs anymore.

Here’s to the nights I can’t remember with the friends I’ll never forget.
Nothing says “lifelong friendship” like a good blackout. Can I get a “hell yes?!” My bitches are always there for me for those important moments in life. Like that one time we were all like, “Screw it! Let’s go out! So what if it’s Wednesday?! More like WINEsday, amiright?!” And then we totally had the #bestnightever and the next day my boss was like “Ashlynn! You seem really hung over! That’s like really unprofessional!” LOL. Love my girls, seriously.

Live, Laugh, Love.
There are many verbs that are involved with being alive, but these are the ones that start with “L.” They’re also super easy to do. You’re accomplishing one of them just by waking up every day, which is really inspiring, I think.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.
There’s absolutely no reason to get all sulky and moany when things end. And when I say “things,” I think we all know I mean “relationships.” Seriously, break-ups happen. That’s, like, LIFE, ya know? You have to stop looking backwards and start looking forward. Did Khloe Kardashian get all ugly and cry-facey when her husband started smoking crack? No. She totally got a killer ombre and posted some of the most GORG Instagram photos I’ve ever seen. Every broken girl needs a tough-love bestie to get her out of her sweatpants and onto Tinder. Having this quote screenprinted onto a leopard print pillow available exclusively at Target was not only healing for me, but it also provided me an opportunity to give back to other girls in need.

Dance like no one is watching, Sing like no one is listening, and Love like you’ll never be hurt.
This is one of my favorite life rules! Always be dancing, and always be doing it in a cute, semi-embarrassing way, because how else are people supposed to see what an eccentric, fun girl you are? It’s really hard to pull off quirky and sexy, believe me, but when it’s done well it’s seriously so hot. Vine that ish, girl! Twerk it on the subway! Who cares if little kids and homeless dudes are watching? You’re LIVIN’ LIFE!