Enough is enough — we cannot keep letting men call adult women “girls.” It’s degrading and wrong — women aren’t children and they should not be referred to as such. I demand that men worldwide stop using the term “girls” for anyone over the age of 18. Except for me. Please continue to call me a girl because I’m still very young, youthful, and, most importantly, cute.

I can’t count on one hand how many times I’ve had to tell a coworker not to call the women at our office “girls.” In fact, I can’t even count it with the number of years I’ve been alive because I’m very, very young. As a young 26-year-old, I definitely am still a girl. That’s not to say I don’t have the intelligence and emotional maturity of a full adult woman, but I have the glowing eyes and innocence of a girl. That’s more important, so you should continue to call me a girl. If you are my coworker and also an attractive man who sometimes flirts with me, then definitely not refer to me as a “woman.” That’s probably how you describe your mother.

From now on, I’m taking a stand: to ridicule men who call women “girls,” I’m going to refer to men in their twenties as “boys.” However, I will only call you a boy if I’m interested in having sex with you, and I will assume if you call me a “girl,” you also want to bang me. Therefore, everyone should be calling me a girl because I’m very sexually appealing. I think it’s extremely important that we use the word for “female children” to describe women who are sexually attractive. Save me in your phone as “cute girl” and buy me several drinks. I don’t even get hangovers yet because I’m so young, and also because I don’t have a job so I sleep until 1:00 p.m. every day. I am youthful, precious, and full of wonder at this big beautiful world that loves me.

Adult women contribute to society even more than adult men do, and they are insulted by being referred to as “girls.” I don’t contribute to society at all really, so please don’t say I’m a woman or ever, ever, ever call me “ma’am” because I am so adorable and barely out of college. In fact, I’m so young that I neither drive nor vote even though I’m technically old enough to do both. Someone who’s still on their parents’ healthcare shouldn’t really qualify as a woman. You probably think I’m about to be kicked off their healthcare because I’m 26, but joke’s on you! New York State has a loophole that lets kids stay on their parents’ healthcare until they’re 29. So I will be a girl until at least then, at which point I will find another excuse for why I’m still a girl, because I will still be very cute and young in three years. I’m not a girl, not yet a woman, but I am still a girl because I’m adorable.

Men need to stop calling women “girls.” This is something I feel very passionately about. Almost as passionately as I feel about looking at myself in the mirror because I’m a young, cute, desirable female, otherwise known as a “girl.”

As a strong, independent woman, I vow to never become financially dependent on my boyfriend because it would give him too much power in the relationship. We are two adults, and it’s important that he sees me as an equal. Even though he’s offered to pay more of the rent than I do, I decline every time because I’m a feminist. It can be hard to turn down an offer like that, which is why I have my parents send me $4,000 a month.

My friend Stacy recently went to Cabo with her boyfriend, and he paid for the flights and hotel room. I would never want to be on a vacation like that with my boyfriend — what if he thought that I owed him sex or something because he got the hotel room? I need to be clear about my own independence, and so I’d never want him to pay for an expensive trip that we took together. Last month, when we went to Paris, even though my boyfriend offered to pay, I just asked my dad to buy me a ticket with his Delta miles. I think that sent a signal loud and clear to my boyfriend that I don’t depend on him at all and that we are equals. Then my parents sent me $800 for the hotel room, but my boyfriend’s company paid for it, so I just pocketed the $800. Because I’m a smart businesswoman. I only wonder if more women were as entrepreneurial as I am, maybe they wouldn’t need help from their boyfriends all the time.

A lot of my friends have a really hard time with taxes, and so they get their boyfriends to do their taxes for them. My one friend even needed her boyfriend to lend her $300 for her taxes, and she didn’t pay him back until the next Tuesday. Can you imagine that? Owing someone money for eight days? It sounds like a nightmare to me — you are basically their slave. I wouldn’t want my boyfriend thinking he has control over me by doing my taxes, so I got my parents’ accountant to do it for me. In fact, because I don’t technically “work” (the government’s definition of “work” is so narrow — I contribute greatly to society via my 19-28 expository tweets per day), I got a lot of money back in taxes. This was great — $6,000 to supplement the $4,000 my parents send me each month. It made me feel like a strong, independent woman, and I’m glad I didn’t have my boyfriend ruin that feeling for me.

Like most extremely attractive couples, my boyfriend and I exercise together frequently. However, unlike a lot of these couples, I don’t let my boyfriend pay for my gym membership or give me his guest passes at Barry’s Bootcamp. Because that would be wrong — if I did that, I’d owe him my body. Like, he’d be the reason why I’m so sexy, and it’s important that everyone knows that I’M the reason I’m so sexy. To be as independent and strong as possible, I just use my mom’s Equinox membership. Of course, this means she can’t use it herself or the people at the gym would notice, but it’s ok, because she got herself a membership to YogaSculpt. My mom prefers yoga classes anyway because she needs to be told what to do and she can’t think for herself at all — I blame this on the fact that my dad has been financially supporting her for her whole life. I don’t want to fall into this trap, so I never let my boyfriend pay for anything, and it works out, since my parents send me so much money.

Even when we go out to dinner, I don’t like to let him pay because it throws off the power dynamic in the relationship. Food is an important source of sustenance, and if he’s the one providing food, he’s the more powerful person. Last week, we went to the opening of a vegan sushi place in SoHo. It was definitely more money than I had in my bank account, especially because I ordered four $18 cocktails, but fortunately I just used the credit card my parents gave me for emergencies so that my boyfriend didn’t have to pay for me. And they completely understood — maintaining a healthy relationship IS an emergency.

I don’t want to be excessively judgey — I just feel so sorry for some women out there who are forced to depend on their boyfriends for money. I don’t know how a man could ever respect someone who he had to provide for. I don’t have to worry about that; all the men I meet respect me so much because they know I’ll never ask them for anything. Because my parents support me in my need to be a financially independent woman.

Dear Ginny,

Thank you for your interest in receiving a test for sexually transmitted diseases with UCSF Medical Center. Unfortunately, at this time, we are not able to move forward with your STD test.

While we do not normally provide feedback for candidates, we wanted to offer some insight into our decision-making process. Due to cost limitations, we are only able to administer STD tests to candidates who fall under the umbrella of “sexually active.” Based on your reported sexual history, as well as the references we contacted, you are at no risk for an STD due to your very limited physical contact. We were able to verify that you have not had sexual intercourse in the last three years. In fact, we found no history of penetration, oral sex, tongue action, or mild flirting. We are unable to verify whether there was sexual contact prior to three years ago, but we would imagine that the answer is also no.

You requested an HIV test, but we are unable to administer this test to candidates who do not meet any of the risk factors for HIV. We have found that not only do you not have sex, but you also have not used any needles to inject drugs into your body; in fact, no one has ever offered you drugs of any type, and you do not know where to find them. If you did know where to find them, you probably would not be able to afford them.

You listed several instances of sexual activity, but none of these qualify you for an STD test. While we agree that making a Tinder profile does put you at a higher risk for an STD, we were able to confirm that you received zero messages from men. You did provide a specific example of a message you’d received on Tinder, but upon closer examination, this message was an advertisement for a personal stylist, which, after meeting you in person, we have to highly recommend that you consider trying. You also stated that you had been “dry-humped on BART,” but, after speaking with all potential dry-humpers, we concluded that the man who dry-humped you did not do so intentionally; it was simply rush hour. Furthermore, dry-humping does not lead to an STD, which is irrelevant, because you were not dry-humped. We understand that if a man had suggested having unprotected sex with you, you definitely would have agreed to it, but we cannot provide STD tests just because you would have been into the idea had it been available to you (which it isn’t).

We hope you understand that we cannot schedule you for an STD test at this time. We apologize — however, most people only want an STD test so that they can assure future sexual partners that they’re clean, and you are unlikely to ever be asked about this, so we don’t feel that bad. We wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors and hope you find a medical examination that fits you. We think you might find more success if you request an exam for diabetes and/or depression. We receive many applications from qualified candidates, and we have to prioritize to whom we administer the test. As it turns out, literally everyone is having more sex than you.

Best,

UCSF Medical Center