Do you have problems with alcohol, illegal drug use, compulsive neatness, hot flashes, ennui, indigestion, bad manners, weight gain, random pain, hoarding, vertigo, or crankiness?
If so,
GET TAD!
Are you experiencing an inner void that yearns to be filled? And by inner void, of course I mean your vagina.
If so,
GET TAD!
Have you suffered from twenty years of celibacy, with that twenty years including the ten years of your marriage?
If so,
GET TAD!
Tad’s missile will fill your void, guaranteed. Tad’s skillful skills are proven to:
- Reduce stress
- Relieve pain
- Improve cardiovascular and muscular health
- Improve mood
- Make your friends jealous
Our basic TAD package is $19.99/day. For an additional fee you can add:
- Tad’s magnificent massage
- Tad’s tuna casserole
- Tad’s advice
And in our premium package, Tad will:
- Wear his blue striped shirt
- Wear his jeans
- Wear his heart-emblazoned boxer shorts
Tad will make you feel all warm and creamy inside, and he can even provide additional cream. Within one week, you will be free from stress, pain, boredom, indigestion and addiction (except to Tad; you may become addicted to Tad). I should know. I used to suffer. Now I don’t.
***Tadisfaction guaranteed.
DISCLAIMER:
Use Tad with caution. Tad does not like his member mishandled, yet he will scramble your insides with it if he’s so inclined. Users have experienced swelling due to vigorous pounding from front, back and side while using Tad. Befuddlement has been reported, especially immediately after using Tad. Consult your doctor if you find yourself putting the chicken in the cupboard instead of the refrigerator. Consider an alternative if you find yourself sighing, texting at midnight, and yearning to make mix tapes while using Tad. Colitis, heart murmurs and tingling have been reported, but only from users who previously suffered from colitis, heart murmurs and tingling.
Late payment penalties may apply. Penalties may include 1) being subjected to Tad’s driving and 2) having to listen to Tad discuss the price of bananas at Shop-Rite versus Safeway.
CUSTOMER REVIEWS:
Customer 1:
I am very Tadisfied.
Customer 2:
I have an unusual build — sort of pear-shaped, and Tad fits me perfectly. Or perhaps I should say he fits in me perfectly.
Customer 3:
I was disappointed with the color.
Customer 4:
Make sure you pay on time. You do not want to have to listen to Tad talk about the latest banana deals. Not to mention coupons — if Tad gets a supermarket flyer with banana coupons you are in for it. And don’t get in his car, no matter what. Besides that, I would highly recommend Tad.
Customer 5:
Wha-wha-what???!!!?? I didn’t know this offer was open to everyone. I would like a refund. And have Tad call me immediately.
