FOR SALE: Old safe on wheels. Locked and no combination — I’ve never seen inside it. Leaving the country and can’t take it with me. Buyer owns whatever is inside. Could be a pile of diamonds or could be nothing. Maybe gold bars. Sorry, no refunds. $10,000. Call Rob X3324.

FOR SALE: Big old safe on wheels. Locked! I don’t have the combination or key, and I’ve never seen inside it. Once belonged to my great grandfather, a popular French fur trader, so there may be some nice fur coats in there or stacks of money made in the fur industry. Buyer owns anything and everything found inside. Safe most likely crowbar accessible. No refunds. $9,500. Call Rob X3324.

FOR SALE: Big antique safe on really nice wheels. I don’t know the combination and the door is locked. My highly regarded archaeologist uncle died and left me the safe in his will. Priceless artifacts inside? A map maybe? Or perhaps the answer to all your financial problems? You figure out the combination and whatever’s inside is yours! No refunds. $9,350. Call Rob X3324.

FOR SALE: Beautiful antique safe on ivory-like wheels. Safe is locked and I don’t have the combination or key. Once belonged to my great-great grandfather who sailed the Caribbean and around Cape Cod as a savage, yet brilliant, pirate. Buy it and crack the code, and own whatever is inside! (When I roll the safe around on its super nice wheels it sounds like there are jewels bouncing around inside, but can’t say for sure. Could be pearls.) Absolutely no refunds. $8,000 OBO. Call Rob X3324.

FOR SALE: Beautiful antique safe on wheels so nice that they have to be worth at least $50 each themselves. Door is locked. I have never had it opened, but possess six-sevenths of a riddle that leads to the combination. My obsessive manuscript-collecting grandmother died and left safe to me, but I don’t have room for it in my car. Buyer owns riddle and whatever’s inside even if it is the first draft of Ulysses or The Great Gatsby. Sorry, no refunds. $6,500 OBO. Call Rob X3324 or email RGarrison@yahoo.com.

FOR SALE: Big old safe on wheels. Locked. No combination. Opened once but lost the key. Four dishwashing sponges still in package and very large amount of grocery plastic bags are inside. Make me an offer! No refunds. Call Rob X3324.