Dear NASA,

I am FRUSTRATED!!!!! Why did you put a BABY on the MOON? The baby WILL NOT REMEMBER it. As a taxpayer and moon enthusiast, I insist that this is a WASTE OF MONEY and a LOW-GRAVITY SITUATION.

The adult astronauts said that the baby cried a lot. I WOULD NOT HAVE CRIED if I went to the moon, unless it was because the EARTH LOOKED SO BEAUTIFUL or because I GOT CUT, like if I used part of the space-ship wrong. To be fair, I am not entirely sure that the baby did NOT use the space-ship wrong. If this is why the baby was crying, I APOLOGIZE. However, if the baby was crying because of HUNGER, COLIC, or INTENSE G-FORCE PRESSURE, I remain angry!!!

The moon baby is now being called a HERO. Doesn’t a hero have to DO SOMETHING? I remember the days when the definition of a hero was a nurse who let you smoke cigarettes in the hospital. Or at least a FIREFIGHTER, even though I personally DISAGREE WITH THEIR HEROIC STATUS. But I do recognize that they INSPIRE SOME WOMEN TO TAKE THEIR SHIRTS OFF even when the firefighters smell like smoke! (That is not heroic, but it is a kind of magic! PHEROMONES????!)

I would like to LIST MY QUALIFICATIONS for why I should be considered for a future moon program: I am a FULL-GROWN adult. I REMEMBER MY MEMORIES. I am PRETTY SURE that I will be able to figure out how to use a space-ship in a way that it will NOT CUT ME. I have a degree in PHYSICSal education.

PLEASE do not waste any more valuable time putting BABIES or even TODDLERS on the moon. If the child wears a size smaller than a 6X, I believe it should be immediately DISQUALIFIED FROM SPACE.

I would INCLUDE A PHOTOGRAPH, but all copies of my headshot were lost in a 1998 FIRE that I ACCIDENTALLY started when I lit several matches trying to see if my cat was hiding under my couch. (See above: FIREFIGHTERS ARE NOT HEROES!)

Sincerely,

Meg Favreau

PS — I will NOT start a FIRE in SPACE. THAT IS IRRESPONSIBLE, even though it would look GREAT.